A couple of months ago, fairly soon after I started my Friday “For Girls Only” series, I started hearing the comments from the guys. They didn’t want me to discriminate against them. They didn’t want to be singled out. And from Billy Coffey, I got a joking request to do an installment for the guys. On the next week’s For Girls Only installment, I made a sideways, tongue-in-cheek comment towards Billy that if he wanted a post written for the guys, he was welcome to write it. I laughed it off and forgot about it until other people started seriously lobbying for a guys’ post here. Last week, Anne blessed us with a fantastic post for guys, but I decided that I’d also invite Billy to seriously contribute with a guys’ post of his own. And when you get through reading his effort here, go back by his site to see what other yummy bloggy tidbits he’s got to share. It’ll tide you over until his first novel is released this fall.
A Manly Man(ifesto)
My daughter is perched on my lap in front of the television. Her blond hair pokes me in the eyes and tickles my lips, but she’s almost asleep and I dare not move. Besides, I like her here. Every little girl belongs on her father’s lap.
The show we’ve been watching goes to a commercial, where I see three boys prancing around a stage surrounded by thousands of screaming prepubescent girls. The noise is enough to stir the little blondie on my knee.
“Yuck,” she says.
“What’s yuck?”
“Them.”
“I thought all girls loved them,” I say.
“I don’t,” she answers. “I love you.”
She rests her head back onto my shoulder and I smile. There are a lot of things I’m still not doing right when it comes to raising a daughter to be a woman, but I’m doing okay with this one.
From what I understand, the three boys on our TV are the types of males women seem attracted to nowadays. The guys who know more about hand cream than their mothers. The ones who exfoliate, wear pink shirts, and like to talk about their feelings.
This is what most women call men nowadays. My father has another word for them—pansies.
The Oprahfication of our society is such that we’ve been told the male of old is outdated and barbaric. That we’re mean and nasty and dirty. There’s no place for Neanderthals in the modern age. We must evolve into kinder, more nurturing people.
Somehow along the way kindness was remade into softness and “nurture” was turned into “neuter.”
I still blame men for this. Yes, my own kind is at fault here. More than anyone, guys are to blame for allowing themselves to buckle under the whims of convention.
I’ve heard faint grumblings lately that men are making a comeback. Manly men. And for that I am exceedingly grateful. If there was ever a time when the world needed more real men, it’s now.
The problem is we’ve gone so long since the manly man was common that no one knows how to spot the real ones from the fakes. Wearing flannel shirts, lifting weights, and cussing a lot doesn’t make you a manly man. There’s a little more to it.
So for the uninitiated and the confused, I offer this little primer on what it means to be a manly man.
A manly man does not draw attention to himself. He blends in rather than stands out, does much more than he says, and his eyes will say much more than his words ever could.
He knows the realities of this world, that despair and conflict are the norm rather than the exception. But even as he sees the way things are, he will work toward what should be.
A manly man knows the unimportant moments are just as meaningful as the important ones. No matter how alone he is, Someone is always watching.
He is eager to open his hand to help the helpless, and willing to close it to defend the defenseless.
A manly man is at ease regardless of his surroundings. He is a man of the world and yet untouched by it.
A manly man is by nature kind and compassionate, but those traits have their limits. He is not a doormat and will refuse to be stepped on.
He knows it is better to die with courage than to live without a spine.
A manly man knows that there is no equality of the sexes. Women are a step above men and should always be treated as such. To make a woman a man’s equal is to make her less than she is.
A manly man knows that this world is not his home and keeps his end in mind. He is ready to die, whether it be on a battlefield ten thousand miles away or a bed in the next room. And he knows that it isn’t the manner of death that defines him, but how that death is faced.
And maybe most of all, a manly man knows he will not always act like one. He knows that he is fallible and fallen, beaten and scarred. His mistakes and faults are many, and yet he owns them. He sees the darkness in his heart and yet chooses daily to stand in the light.
That is a manly man. Someone worthy of one day taking the hand of the blondie snoozing on my knee. I hope she finds him. And I hope that once she does she hangs on to him tight.
Because there are far too many kittens out there and far too few lions.
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And maybe most of all, a manly man knows he will not always act like one. He knows that he is fallible and fallen, beaten and scarred. His mistakes and faults are many, and yet he owns them. He sees the darkness in his heart and yet chooses daily to stand in the light.
That gave me literal goosepimples. But manly ones, not pansy ones.
Alright! Alright! I confess. You caught me. Even though it said for guys, I just had to read what was going on. Snoopy me! I also have to say that I am married to a Manly Man and so proud of him. In fact, I hope you don’ t mind, I took the liberty to print this entry out and show it to him. Thank you so much for writing. I couldn’t agree more!
“He is eager to open his hand to help the helpless, and willing to close it to defend the defenseless.”
This was my favorite line.
(still bias to workboots, flannel and a scruffy beard)
Great post!
“A manly man does not draw attention to himself. He blends in rather than stands out, does much more than he says, and his eyes will say much more than his words ever could.”
Oh praise God, I’ve got one of those!
Hit the mark again Billy!
Wow, this is just so beautifully written!
Billy, don’t forget to remind your daughter often the only man she can depend on is her daddy. and if you guys find this manly man give him my number.
I guess my only problem with your synopsis is that if we are truly the men God made us to be, we won’t be able to blend in. We will stand out because we live and act so opposed to the culture and the way things have run.
You hit on something important. Men tend to run away from church because they are expected to “nice guys” (which like you said means neutered). Who would sign up for that?! Real men are too dangerous. Real men will buck the system and disturb the equilibrium when things aren’t right. Real men sometimes say and do things that make people mad. Yep, Jesus was a real man and a pretty amazing example.
Thanks Billy.
“A manly man does not draw attention to himself. He blends in rather than stands out, does much more than he says, and his eyes will say much more than his words ever could.”
I know a man like this. He is indeed kind and compassionate and generous and strong, with a heart of courage. He is a man after God’s own heart.
Reading what you wrote, I realized all over again how grateful I am that he is part of my life.
Somehow, just knowing there are still men like that in the world, like what you wrote about, gives me hope. Thank you for speaking up for manly men, for Godly men.
That’s why although the title says “For Guys Only,” this one is one every woman should read, too. Great post, Billy.