God and I talk.
Sadly, I talk more than I listen. But today, I just happened to be listening at the right time. Standing in my kitchen, dicing carrots for soup, listening to a very eclectic mixture of my favorite music online, and when the music suddenly switched from a contemporary Christian song (Jeremy Camp) to a country song (Dixie Chicks — don’t judge me!), I had to tamp down the urge to switch the song. Not because I don’t like the Dixie Chicks. I do. (Again, don’t judge!) But because in the space of a second, I felt ashamed of listening to music that wasn’t overtly “Christian.” And as I sliced through a carrot, I heard a whisper: It’s okay to embrace all of the pieces of who you are.
For years, I’ve kept the puzzle pieces of my life carefully separate. Without realizing it, somehow I decided that there is shame in certain aspects of who I am — like God will love me less if I listen to certain kinds of music, drink wine with dinner, or read books not published by Christian publishing houses. And today, while I was wielding a knife in my kitchen, the truth arrested me. I found myself shuffling through my life, one action and aspect and puzzle piece at a time, in my mind, holding each one up before God and saying, “Can I do this, and be Yours?” And each time, He said, “Yes. You can. It’s okay to be who you are.”
I’m not talking about sin.
I’m not talking about things like anger or jealousy or selfishness or self-hatred or any of the other hateful habits that I’m sometimes guilty of.
I’m talking about simply living my daily life.
—
“Jesus, Karen and I finished that bottle of blackberry wine last night…”
“It’s okay. I drank wine, too. And blackberry’s good.”
—
“Jesus, is it okay that I do yoga?
“Of course. It makes you healthier. That’s what I want for you.”
—
“Jesus, I’m having acupuncture treatments now…”
“Child, I hold your hand while you’re on that table. You don’t cease being mine when you walk in that door.”
—
And before the celery had joined the carrots in the bottom of the soup pot, I had awoken to a new reality that it really is okay to be who I am — God created me this way. It’s okay to live. He wants me to have life more abundantly.
I turned up the music and I sang with a freedom I haven’t known for a while. And even though it was the Dixie Chicks, I knew that my Father was enjoying me, enjoying the music.
About Sarah Salter
Agreed Sista Sarah.. And we all go through that..I am sure..But he loves and cares for us no matter what..Thanks again for another insight, another way of looking at life so to speak.. Love ya lady.
Barbara, I have always struggled with feeling like I have to EARN God’s love. And as a preacher’s kid, I’ve struggled with feeling that I have to live every second of my life up to a certain standard. And I don’t really think it’s God’s standard as much as the standard of man. But I am reminded today of two quotes. One from my friend, Eliza: “It doesn’t matter where you are, as long as you don’t stay there.” And one from my friend, John Hobbs: “There’s nothing you can do to make God love you one ounce more. And there’s nothing you can do to make God love you one ounce less. He just loves you.”
Amen!
Nancy, I love it when you come by! (And when you Amen me!) 🙂
Sarah, beautifully done.
Amy
Sarah…..right you are and you articulated it so well. I spent most of the beginning of my walk with Jesus in a very strict Baptist congregation. I learned a lot about the Bible and it gave me a wonderful foundation to build on and yet they were so restrictive that aspect of worship were stilted. They didn’t even encourage clapping after a music performance. It’s hard to let some of that go, but when we really look into Scripture it actually sets us free…..we start to realize that God really does embrace us as we all, and He could really care less about the small stuff we fret over. Blessings to you! Lori
Thanks for the support, Amy! 🙂
Lori, thanks for sharing! And I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been there! But you’re right – He came to set us FREE!
Sarah I am so glad to see you trying out different paths in life. No matter what path, they all lead to God. I was once in your shoes believe it or not. I gave up my 300+ CD collection because they were not Christian artists. Now I know that it is what is in my heart not what kind of music I listen to. I am so proud of you. You are growing and blossoming into a very unique person. Let your true light shine girl. Jesus loves it.
Malcolm, I love you, Honey! And really, the only paths I want to walk are God’s paths. That’s the best way not to fall on my face! And NOT all paths are God’s paths. But I think that where I am right now is. And that feels good. 🙂
I love you to dear, we have different views on things but one thing for certain I am glad God crossed our paths.