Warning- I may ramble a bit today. There’s a lot of things rolling around in my head and I just need to express some of them. Feel free to stay and read and comment.
Over the past several years, it seems like I’ve heard more and more people talking about Christianity like it’s Burger King: Just ask for what you want and it’s yours! You can have it your way!
It makes it seem like Christianity is all happiness and giggles and rainbows and kittens.
It’s not.
I can be frank with you here, right?
Life is a never-ending battle and when I met Jesus, the battle did not get any easier. If anything, it got harder. And the sins and habits I struggled with before I met Jesus? I still struggle with them now. In fact, probably a little more so because now, I’m far more acutely aware of the line between right and wrong and where I stand in regard to it.
Another misconception I had about Christianity and the church is that because God loves me, I assumed all Christians and church folks would love me. And what I’ve learned is that sadly, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Some of the most loving people I know don’t go to church at all. And some of the ones who have hurt me the worst, go to church more often than I do.
The last few months have been pretty tough on me. I don’t think that’s a surprise to anybody who frequents this spot on the web. I went through some pretty serious depression that eventually led me into Christian counseling. And though I love counseling and I’m making some major headway out of the pit that I was in, my battle has still not gotten any easier.
When I was in college, my friends Rick and Robert used to lovingly fuss at me because I never liked to face a battle. I always wanted to run from it. Avoid it. But what the last ten years has shown me—if nothing else—is that I can’t run or hide from it because it’s going to follow me wherever I go.
The second night of counseling, I met with my pastor and the couple that is now counseling me. I sat on the sofa, facing the three of them, having just laid my entire heart and soul open on the coffee table in front of me. My pastor laid out a strategy for helping me to heal and then said, “So, do you want to do this?”
I couldn’t even hesitate. I looked him in the eyes—probably for the first time that night—and said, “Yes. I can’t not do this. There’s too much at stake.”
And that’s still where I am. I’ve got my entire heart and soul laid open. And I and my allies—my pastor, my counselors, and some of you—are fighting to help me finally find healing.
Make no mistake—I am fighting. And I am healing. But it is the hardest battle I’ve ever faced.
I have good days.
I have bad days.
And I’m grateful to God that He takes me just as I am.
And I’m thankful that He’s given me friends that do, too.
Thanks for coming by and being a part.
About Sarah Salter
praying for you – and I mean I really am.
Know that you are on my heart and in my prayers….and not just today….this is daily.
Herb & Michael – Thanks! I do appreciate those prayers. Y’all bless me so much!
You are always in my prayers and on mind. I love you. Keep fighting.
SarahBee- I love you, too, Sistah! Thanks for everything. You bless me so much!
Well hopefully by now you know you are being prayed for daily…if not, well you are.
I was expecting franks and rambling out of this post and I did not see either. Instead I see you being real and honest. And I see an admonition to those of us in the church to focus on loving People as God would.
Appreciate you Sarah. Keep on fighting. You make a difference.
Dusty- It FELT like I was rambling. I’m glad it ended up being cohesive & making some sense. If you haven’t heard me say it before, my goal here is to be real. I’m glad that came across, too. Thanks for your encouragement, Dusty! You make a difference, too. And thank you again for taking the time to find me those scriptures yesterday. You’re awesome! 🙂
Prayers offered for you, hon. You know that.
Boy, do I know what you mean. The fight seems so all-consuming sometimes. It’s hard to see anything else. I’m glad you’re fighting and you can be encouraged that you aren’t alone. Healing and restoration are real and you’re going to walk in all the freedom that God has promised you, Sarah.
Sounds cliche to say “it’s always darkest before the dawn” but there’s truth in it. God has been showing me lately that the hardest time is before the breakthrough (think of pregnancy and labor). I just encourage you, Sarah. You’re in your breakthrough and the Father is honored by your tenacity to go after what He’s promised. He is well-pleased!
I can hear in your words the echo of Peter after Jesus asked if they wanted to leave after the crowds abandoned Him. He said “Where else can we go? Only you have the words of life.” He has the words of life for you today and He is speaking them. I pray your ear is tuned to that life frequency.
I could probably keep going, but I’ve written a whole lot already. 🙂 Be blessed and we continue to pray and stand with you. God is well able to deliver and make good on His promises.
Helen- You’ve got such a sweet spirit! I cherish our friendship so much! Blessings on you and Bob!
Jason- Thank you… Never be afraid to write a “novel” in my comments section! Your thoughts and insights always challenge and encourage me. Your words really resound… Although it’s hard to think of myself as being “in my breakthrough.” I know we don’t walk by how we feel, but I feel pretty far away from “breakthrough.” And that dialogue between Peter and Jesus is one of the ones I identify with most from scripture. If I don’t have Him, I have no one. And if I’m not with Him, I’m nowhere. Thanks again, my friend!
Dear Sarah
I know that feeling and I can definitely identify with the roller coaster of it all. One thing I know and I am sure of in all these though, is that God is with you all the way. Thank God for where you are at now and for people who can hold up your hands.
As long as the devil doesnt succeed in isolating you from your co-fighters, because he will try, I am certain you will make it. My prayers are with you. God bless you.
I’ve been praying for you too sweet Sarah. You lift me up more than you could ever guess ♥